Lighthouses
What do safe adults and lighthouses have in common? They both provide safety and direction when the going is rough.
The Lighthouse Model was created by parenting expert and former teacher Maggie Dent. In her book, she explains how teachers can be the lighthouse for so many of their students, and we can be that for the youth that we know too, whether they’re a niece or nephew, family friend, neighbour, grandchild, or a child that you coach in sport.
Our adolescents are struggling more than they ever have in previous generations and it’s no wonder! From school to sport to social media and all the hormones that are raging, it’s easy to see why it’s such a tricky stage of life for our teens and our parenting journey too! They need to feel safe & secure, accepted, loved, able to express themselves and be given some independence and autonomy.
Some of you who know me may know that my eldest son lives in Adelaide. He was having a tough night recently and reached out to a close friend of mine to chat. My friend chatted with my son, offered compassion and direction.
Why am I telling you this? Because she is one of my son’s lighthouses. She listens without judgement, brings acceptance she isn’t his parent, she upholds the values that she knows are important to our family, but she DOESN’T offer lectures or unheeded advice.
I know that my children are all eventually going to branch out and find people other than me to confide in as they get older, but my hope is that they will always have lighthouses in their lives who can guide them through the rough times when they need it.
Maggie suggests that you might imagine giving the below message in some way, to a young person in your life, even if it appears they may be doing well.
Dear young person,
I can remember being your age and finding life a bit tricky at times. Our world has become a little less kind, more unpredictable, more chaotic and in many ways less caring. To be honest, it must seem a lot darker for many young people.
I want to offer myself as a safe base should you ever need one. I will lean in for you when you need some support and that support will be non-judgemental and full of compassion with no lectures or unheeded advice. I will be a lighthouse for you, shining a light into the darkness and I will be a positive, reliable presence for you.
Side-by-side we can find a way to overcome obstacles and challenges. In good times, we can do fun stuff together that may include ice cream.
From your lighthouse
PS My contact details are attached.
Who are your children’s lighthouses? Whose lighthouse, are you?
Maggie Dent's top 10 tips for supporting adolescents (raise.org.au)